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FUCK0504.TXT
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1998-05-20
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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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smart thinking
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There's a little Voice, deep inside your head, that you know
very well. It tells you little things - like when not to
cross the street even though you should have enough time
on the walk signal to make it across. It tells you big things,
like when to say no to that nice enough guy who keeps asking
you out on a date. It's just that feeling, that intuition,
that tells you what is right and wrong for every nanosecond
of your existence.
When you ignore it, shitty things happen.
Sometimes the shit isn't so deep. Once, when I was waiting to
get on a plane to NY, an announcement burst over the PA. USAir
was offering cheaper rates to anyone who was willing to wait
for the next flight. My gut told me "take it." My family
disagreed. We spent the next few hours on the worst flight
of our lives, tossed around wildly in a thunderstorm. People
were screaming. My mother was worrying that she had forgotten
to sign their will. It was that bad. But all that really
happened was that we were scared. I wish I had listened to
the Voice, though. Now it takes heavy drugs and minor amounts
of alcohol to even get me to consider getting on an airplane.
Live and learn, right?
Sometimes the shit is deeper. Two times in my life I have
been in love - real love, not little puppy dog crap. In both
cases, I was really too young to do the right things and make
a happy ending. In both cases, I was given an opportunity
to try again, with more experience and less bullshit. But my
voice kept telling me that it simply would not work, that
I would end up getting hurt somehow. Blindly I ignored my
gut and rambled on, trying desperately to recapture what I had
lost through my own stupidity and childishness, thinking that
I could do it over, and better this time. As always, the Voice
was right. It knew before I did that I was being stupid. In
both cases, of course, I ended up getting cut. Deep. Now I know.
In matters of love, listen to the Voice.
Smart thinking is listening to your Voice. Whether that means
going to one college instead of another, taking a different
route home, or moving to California instead of New York,
ultimately, your Voice helps you make decisions about your
life that might mean the difference between happiness
and despair. Alone as we all are, we have our inner selves
that speak to and through us. If you pay attention, you might
learn something about loving yourself, and doing the right
thing, no matter how annoying or terrifying that path might
be.
I know I'll ignore the Voice, off and on. We all do.
And every time I'll look back, and remember that it was there,
and know that I should have listened. Maybe getting older and
wiser means nothing more than having a louder Voice. I just wish
mine would scream instead of whisper.
demonika
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